Prison

Hey beautiful people,

Today is the 31st August 2017. A date which I have on paper. A day I have waited for since 31 aug 2012. Do you know why??
Should I say HAPPY 5th anniversary or …..?!?

So on the 31st August 2012, I was convicted and sentenced to 5 years imprisonment due to GBC. (Grievous bodily harm) section 18. Ok, so at the moment you hear the judge say that. Your heart your face your spirit everything LEAVES your body! I swear for like a minute I died u know!! No joke!!!

Ok, up to prison, my first place was Bronzefield I think near Heathrow airport if I am correct. The first night was so bad for me, cause the bed, was hard, the toilet looked dead to me, the room was just NAH!! Imagine in your head u can only Remember 5 YEARS. Clearly I thought I would die.. no joke! I actually PRAYED AND BEGGED God to take me away u know. ( ok, after I asked for forgiveness and for him to take care or my daughter who was then 3 and my mother) but I begged God to just let me die cause I did not know how I would survive in prison for 5 whole YEARS!! Mate even a week would be too much for me.

So I woke up (from my 10min sleep I think) cuz it was the next day and I heard my door open, I think around 7.30-8am and I could hear so much noise. Then I heard noises at my door I got scared TRUST ME I AM A P*Ssy WHEN U GET TO KNOW ME ! And this woman knocked and came in. She knew I was young and said hello and asked me why I was in bed and not up yet. I did not know what to say. So she came in and introduced herself. (I will keep her name for myself and call her my Jamaican Mum1) she then asked me to get up and get breakfast. But I said no I am not hungry (these times I hadn’t eaten since the day before and I was STARVINGGGGGG) so she quickly ran down and got me something and came back. I then got up and brushed my teeth and sat down and she then asked me to come out and not to be scared. She was so nice to me.

Before I knew it day one was over… from then I became friends with my Jamaican mum. She was a mother herself and her daughter was my age. She was very nice and made sure I had food to eat introduced me to other ladies on our wing (yes it’s called wing) told me the rules etc and how to do shopping and phone calls.

I quickly made friends and got to know a young lady who had a similar case as mine and was also a young mother. She became my friend and had been there for a few months. Her due date was after mine and that meant that I would be released before her. She was so strong and that made me strong as well. Then I met another lady who was African and I could also easily relate to her. Soon after me and her were put in a room together which I did not mind. The only think was she had no date yet as she was facing deportation. So me and her used to pray together hoping that she would not be deported. Then the day came that she went to court and she did not come back. I was hoping she got released and not deported but I did not hear from her until later I found out she got released. I was SOO happy for her. I have her contact btw😘.

Soon after weeks went by and I got sent to Downview a different and known as better prison they said. Before I left some ladies told me about it. I then also met a sister who was from Ghana and her I would call Sister1

I went to downview and I had to adjust to the place as well, but that went quick as I made friends easily and soon I got kind of used to the place.soon I found friends and aunties whom I could go to. I met Mama1 and mama 2 the two Ghanaian mothers who made it easy for me and Sister1. I worked at the gym and studied small. I then worked with ladies whom I still have some contact with and speak to at times. My second Jamaican/African mum2 she was my motivation at the gym and also mentally she knew how to keep me going.
Fast forward to 2013 when we got told that the prison may be shutting down so we are all being relocated. We were all allowed to make a top 3 but it does not necessarily mean that you will go there. Me and my sister1 became closer then ever and because we knew the same people from outside it was easier to pass time as we could talk about everything and she understood me same way I understood her. When it was time to relocate I was hoping and praying that me and her will go on the same day. Which it did not happen I was first to go. And soon she followed. By the time it was end of 2013 and when she joined at Holloway we soon found out that there will be no single rooms available only groups of 4- 5s just a limited of 2s. So me and her found a way to get into a dorm together and soon we found our lil group and had our squad.

I had my other sister2, and our mamaCita (I wish I could have her contact I miss that woman SOOO MUCH) she was from South America and was such a great woman. A mother figure and she spoke lil English. But was so caring and just prayed everyday to just get back to her children back home.

We soon got into a dorm of 4 me and my 2 sisters and our Spanish mother. This was at a advanced wing, which was for behaved prisoners. It meant that we had more advantages into more jobs. We were out more and we were just more behaved! So just a bit more freedom. Officers were not constantly on our case. They could leave the wing and we would be alone because they could trust us.

I had already put in forms to go back to the Netherlands after a long talk and various visits from the Dutch embassy and also some convincing. Yet on the other hand I was trying to stay in the U.K. Cause I felt like I could stay there for my child and get a second chance.
Then one day on the 10th march me thinking another day, they opened our room and they asked me to pack my stuff as the application was approved for me to go back to the Netherlands but I would have to do the remaining time of my sentence ( which would end 1march 2015) as the English rule was to do half of my sentence instead of the full 5 years.

So that was in the evening so I had the whole night to say goodbye to my room mates and just pack my stuff and cry etc. I did not sleep neither did day as we basically celebrated my last night with them. In the morning I did not have much time so I went on to the exit and I was on my way to the airport without making any phone call because of security reasons.

Ok, making my story short I got to holland prison did my sentence till july 4th 2014 (early release) I did not expect it and I praised God for that.

Today 5 years later.. I am married with another child, happy with my family. At first not happy that I decided to come back to holland as I did not know what to do,although I was born and raised here. My parents are proud of me. I have fully restored my relationship with my dad which was bad. My daughter is great and does so well in school. And we are expecting our 3rd baby. Life couldn’t be BETTER♥️.

 

I just want to let everyone know that God can put us in a situation. Well it was NOT GOD who told me to commit the crime. I had signs and never listened to God so the devil had to intervene and that was the only way God could get my attention.
Sometimes we struggle, or we don’t listen to signs and little things which we face day to day. God speaks to us on a regular basis, all he wants us to do is to open up when he knocks and we should also knock on his his door on a daily basis not only when we are sick. We only visit him when we need medication. He is not only a doctor he is also a friend, father and more. So don’t only see him when you are sick. When you are healed by his medication you should go and thank him too.

God works in mysterious ways, I know that. I can actually testify! I still ask him for help and I still struggle with issues. But it does not let me question my faith in him. And I don’t ask for sympathy. I am happy I went through what I went through, someone else could not even have survived a day in my shoes. Women have died in prison. Women have committed suicide. Some died right after they got released cause life was not easy outside prison. Some women will never be outside again. Some are going straight back to their country because of deportation and have no idea what will happen to them when they get back. Others have lost family members whiles being in prison and I lost nothing but TIME. Which was TIME I could spend with my daughter. I am upset about it yes. But knowing that she was fine and in save hands was more then enough for me.

I have met women who have become depressed and gone mad inside. Trust me God had me in there and he still does! People have laughed at me, mocked me, said things about me and some even still laugh with me. It did not change me or made me a bad person because those that know me know best, God knows me best! And I can say God still has me. So for everyone who ever laughed at me, was negative and still is.

God is not asleep and I don’t hate you. I would’ve probably done it if I was in your shoes. But remember that people go through hardship for a reason. So let this be a lesson if someone you know, regardless if you like them or not goes through hard times, don’t mock them. Cause you don’t know if you could handle it. The person is being tested and God wants his or her attention. Today I am happy with my husband who has accepted me for who I am. I got myself and I got God.

And I know people are struggling with other issues. Please don’t ever give up on Prayers! God is real and he does not fail.
If you ever want to talk, or want advice or even just message me feel free!!! I don’t judge I used to and I don’t anymore because trust me, laughing at your situation does not make me better!! I can easily b put in your spot and not survive ♥️

 

Sending and spreading Love all over. – and let me enjoy this pregnancy ❤️God be with you all and can’t wait for our lil bundle of joy. Please do respect our unborn and not ask what we are having and when etc. we would rather keep it for ourselves 💕