WHAT NEW PARENTS EXPECT FROM VISITORS!

Hey Beautiful readers, before you continue, please make sure you have read the previous post before starting with this one. If you already have then please continue.

I will dive straight into it, what new parents expect from their visitors!

when a new baby is born family and friends are all happy to meet the new person on earth but forget that the parents are tired and sometimes not even in the mood for visitors and if they are I would like to share tips of what most parents expect. ( I repeat most so it does not apply to every new parent but to me it does HAHA)

Always and I mean always call beforehand and book an appointment to visit. so not  call and say you are almost there or on your way. it is very disrespectful as the new mummy may not be ready to receive visitors regardless if you are family or not. the parent may be resting or has plans to just rest with the baby instead of receiving visitors so what you do instead is call and ask when they are available to see you, and fix a date and a TIME. I say TIME because a day has 24 hours, the same way you would respect to be on time for a job you should also respect the time to go and visit the new parents and the newborn baby.

next point, when visiting or coming to visit it is only nice to either ask if the parents need anything on the phone when coming.  Even though you have made an appointment to come do call in the same day or the day before to confirm. it is only right. the new parent may have forgotten to note it and it only confirms that you are really coming.

the next point is, if you know you are sick or not feeling well, DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT visit!! it can be as small as a flu or a cough, just do not visit! remember you are going to see a newborn baby the last thing anyone wants is for the newborn to get sick because you decided to pass your flu or whatever sickness around. it is very unhealthy and shows no morals towards the family.

On to the next point, when you visit please make sure the first thing you do is take of your shoes and wash your hands before even trying to either touch anyone or sit down. 9 out of 10 times the family has hand sanitizers at home make use of it.  Before you continue whatever.

Next, never ever pick up the baby without the parents consent! why? because they never asked you to! some people may not say anything until you leave or it may just be irritating to them and they may speak up and afterwards it may just become a awkward visit. regardless if you are family or not. grandparents obviously have the urge to do so but that is almost normal in African culture to do so. but please do not touch the child without the parents consent.

another point, when visiting please do ask the parents especially the mother how she feels and if she wants to talk about the journey of the delivery. if she wants to she will obviously open up. another thing is do not overstay your visit! when I say that it now seems weird because what is overstaying your visit? Right, normally visiting a friend can be for hours but when there is a new born baby and a mother who just went through delivery it is only right to stay for max 2hours. why do I say max 2 hours? after all the baby may just sleep but the mother wants her beautysleep too? as you know she and her partner hardly sleep at night so why stay over for 4-5hours long whiles she could relax?  Be considered and just come and see the baby. you will have plenty of time to catch up and stay longer when mother has recovered fully.

Visitors when do you even call and book a visit? well I am pretty sure that the parents will let you know when you can come. obviously for some they come way before others but just make sure the parents give you a go ahead before you step foot at their doorstep.

I would like to end with this last point, when visiting please do not bring any other person with you unexpectedly. when you call to come do not end up with an extra person or family member without the parents knowing as they expect only you or your family and then there you are with extra people.

 

I hope I was clear with this post and I pray all my close friends and family read it, do share it with others and also with family and friends who are expecting or if you are planning to visit a soon to be parent yourself, do read carefully and apply these points to yourself! not every parent will be bold enough to say it but it is very good to know.  I never really stated this to everyone just some but now finally I put it in a post so I hope it is clear to everyone around me, and for everyone! no exceptions!

 

thank you for reading my post and God willing the next shall follow soon !

 

what parents to be don’t like !

Hey beautiful readers,

I hope you are all doing well, and that you have been up to date with my blogs. If not I highly suggest you read them!

today I want to share a few things which people tend to do and although they have good intentions with it, it really is annoying and disturbing to parents to be!

let’s start!

So one thing a lot of people do as soon as they find out one is pregnant is how far are you? is it a boy or girl? are you having twins? you put on weight? etc.! honestly, IT IS ANNOYING! and for some ladies it is really a way of bringing their insecurities out. especially when one has put on weight or there are changes in their face. so people learn to just say congratulations and leave it until the pregnant lady reveals more information.

Another annoying matter is asking the due date! maybe in some culture it is normal but not Africans or not in my household. even though you try to say it in a way it is disrespectful to ask. because what you do is not only is it a journey for the pregnant woman, but the person asking is also waiting for that day and when the day reaches they will be asking about it. forgetting that babies are not born on the due dat just a little over 4% does come on the exact date.

parents to be expect space, and love. Space to rest and space to think. Some obviously don’t want that and will make it clear if that is the case. when you talk to a pregnant lady don’t let the conversation just be about the unborn baby rather continue the conversation as she is not. It makes the woman feel like that is the only thing your interested in and nothing more (which is absolutely fine) but then at least have something else to talk about.

a pregnant woman will either tell you what she wants from you or not. if she does not it is oke to ask her, but don’t push it or force it out of her. she might not want to share information which is fine.

constantly asking what the unborn baby’s name would be! I think this must be a pet peeve for me because, honestly do you think I would just distribute the name? It is meant to be told! yes you do have parents who have names ready and tell families and friends, but if it is not announced yet please do wait. and honestly what does it bring to your table if I tell you the name in advance?

last but not least, when you know she is almost due stop asking when the baby is arriving or messaging or calling to see if the baby has arrived.  More times you think you are the only one asking but trust me you are probably number 13 that day so just imagine how she feels and not only is it annoying because a lot of people are asking but because the pregnant lady is tired and already praying that she can hold the baby. So just imagine!

I have had this countless times and I do realize that I reply to some people purely based on how I am with them and more times I ignore the question and just keep it moving, in the hope that the question will not be asked again. but when it becomes a habit of someone it really becomes annoying.

so instead of telling people one by one it is best shared via blog (if read obviously)! in the hopes that they will stop doing this to not only myself but other parents to be as well.

the list is actually ongoing but these are the main ones I could come up with right now, and honestly speaking if you have any more do comment and I will reply you and may even add it to the post!

I am in such a good mood that I have decided to share another post about, WHAT NEW PARENTS EXPECT FROM VISITORS!

 

I hope you enjoyed the read!

Tips for parents and guardians !

Tips and tricks (may apply to Dutch people more)

Hey beautiful readers it has been a while! I have been slacking

and should not even give an excuse as to why. I apologize!

A lot has happened most of it great things

but will save it for the next time!

Today I want to share some tips which I think is needed

for parents and parents to be! I feel like we are not prepared

for a lot of things and often reality can hit us

one way or the other! The tips I will share are one I

personally think will help others

and may only apply to the Netherlands howeverrrrrrrr

most of

them are also for other countries the system there may

be different but I do hope I can somehow help or remind

someone of something they never thought of!

Okay so here we go

Tip 1;

When your child is growing remember at school they don’t

get taught about budgeting or how to budget!

Please start teaching your child from a young age how

to use money, save money and/or value money!

You will be surprised how your child will value

money when they become teenagers!

Tip 2;

We raise our kids and forget that the age 18 will come!

Well we all know what happens in the Netherlands

your first bill will be dropped

HEALTH INSURANCE! Parents either your paying or

not, teach your children way in advance how it works,

what it is and how to pay it. The benefits of it etc.

If that means they have to work on the side don’t

wait till they hit that age rather let them start beforehand!

Tip 3;

Parents we all know how social media is! Most kids

get a phone at a young age and 99% of the time it

is a smartphone! Check on your

children’s phone! Always have access to it! I have

a daughter of almost 11 and she got her first phone

on her 10th birthday! I go through her phone because

you never know who is talking to her or the other way round.

Tip 4;

(Parents with girls)

Please do have the conversation! One day she will become

“a young woman”, even for me it is very hard to swallow as

she can have her first menstruation !but we should have

that talk! She needs to understand what happens! The

worse thing is for your daughter to go through that

period and be afraid or ashamed to approach her

parents about it! Have the conversation!!!

Tip 5;

Randomly surprise your children with a gift or just ask

them out to go cinema or a date! Yes it

sounds weird saying date. But just showering them with

gifts is fun but why not go out

and eat and just talk about what happened in school

during the week. Or just a Netflix and chill

with your child. If you have more kids divide that time.

Tip 6;

(Parents with more than 1 child)

Divide the time! You can’t be at several places at

once but divide it! As a mother of almost 4 kids

I do slack at times but my children need to spend

time with me alone at times.

Having an older daughter means she has

different needs than her siblings!

She needs help with her homework, she goes over

friends stays over relatives and at times

she really just wants to sit down with me and snack!

Me and her have a cinema date pending by the way!

Do that with your child. Then i have my son who is

3 now I took him to a paw patrol live show l

ast year and he loved it! Then you have my little one

who is 2 now she is home all the time and with her

just watching her program with crisps and drinks is

fun for her. And every now and then we all go on

a playdate with other kids. Parents divide your time!

Tip 7;

Housing is a very serious thing in Europe !

We know the system in this country already! Put your

name on the list! Parents, do it for your child! As soon

as they hit 18 pay the money once (€50 Amsterdam)

and yearly it varies from €8-€10. (AMSTERDAM)

and at least you know that someday

your child will be offered a house! Either in 8-15years

or even in 2 years ! Regardless sign them in!

It is very painful as no one knows how life turns out to be!

Tip 8;

Teach your children basic manners! Trust me at school

they don’t have the time for that!

It is very simple teach your children how to say

please” and “thank you” it will shock you

as to see how kids talk at times! And parents are

the cause of it. And as a parent know what you

say around kids!

They don’t listen to advice but they grow by example!

So children will see and copy! But not listen and copy!

So start with yourself!

Tip 9;

Listen to your child! Even if it does not make sense!

One thing I have learned is

KIDS DON’T LIE WHEN THEY FEEL SAFE AROUND

THEIR PARENTS!

If your child is trying to warn you about a person or

people or you notice their behavior is off when it comes

to a certain person REACT ! It means something!

A child does not wake up not to dislike someone!

Even we as parents we dislike someone based on

their behavior or what is said about that

person! So imagine a child! Ask your child, force it

out of them and REACT! Never downplay a

child’s feeling! Take action at all costs!

Tip 10;

Parents this one hurts me at times HAHA!

Paying insurance🤣! I mean what if my child

accidently breaks my neighbors window, or

hits him/herself very hard ! I have to be prepared

when my neighbor comes knocking at the door with the

bill! Pay the insurance every month!

What if you go on holiday and you or your child gets ill?

What if you or they lose their luggage?

Are you and the kids covered? What if God forbid

death comes knocking on the door? Are you ready for the

costs (honestly this is the only thing I have not sorted!

I always leave it hanging for some reason)

What about other things? Are u saving for their first

car or scooter? Or their driving license.

Or are you helping them to buy their mortgage?

Regardless as a parent sort things out!

Tip 11;

Not fun but REAL! Have you ever taught of what would

happen INCASE of emergency? If you become very

ill and have young children.

Do you have a partner, your parents, siblings, friends

or other family members who will take over or are you

all by yourself? How would that be arranged.

In case of death and your children are underaged?

Who becomes the sole carer?

In this country there is a website with all the information.

It takes you less than 10minutes

to fill it in and you will have it send by post as well.

Incase of death.

The link will be posted below!

Have you gotten a will written? If you have does it

need changes or is it fine as it is? Think about it

So these were my top 11 tips for parents and parents to be!

As well as any guardian of children

under age! If you have more tips feel free to message me

or comment!

https://www.rechtspraak.nl/Onderwerpen/Voogdij

🙏🏿💙

God when will I marry?

Hey beautiful readers,

GOD WHEN WILL I MARRY?!

This is a question a lot of women especially ask themselves and

ask God. But is it the right one?

Even if a woman has not said it out loud in this day and age

most of the unmarried women have

asked themselves or God this question and probably even

asked God so many times, you think he put you on standby.

But is it the right question to ask?

I will be answering this based on experiences I have had with

others and on what I see.

This does NOT mean that it will also apply to you.

We as women tend to feel that we are getting older and

want to make sure we marry and have kids.

I get that. as we have some sort of “deadline” to conceive

a child. Or we often get pressured by family members.

This last one is very common in African households.

We are often told to marry and the next day the families

are already asking when the child is due.

Now a days when you hit the ages 23+ a woman is

more likely to change her

prayers to God when will I marry. Instead of thinking

about other factors in life. Like I said not everyone

does this. But when you turn your prayers into

“God when will I marry”, you know God can answer

that prayer easily!

But will you be happy with the marriage? We tend

to ask for things without knowing what we are really

asking for, so when we do get it we are not sure

how to handle the situation.

I will give you an example.

Asking to marry. You can and God will help you marry.

But what you did not

ask for is how to be a wife and find the man

who would love you how he should. We end up

settling with the man and not getting the marriage

we wished for. All you get is the wedding and the

status of a wife but are you living up to the status

and is your other half? Did you pray for that too?

when we then get put in that

situation a woman tends to now cry out and ask

God why she is in that situation at that moment

she finds it hard to deal with it and faces

so many obstacles.

Woman do not pray for God to let u marry. And do

not feel old for your age. I strongly believe the right

man will come and you will know! Sometimes he is

already there but the timing is off. Yes there are

some people who have kids before

marriage I am a example of one. But that does

not stop you from getting to know the one.

Being 30 and being successful and not married yet

is not a crime neither is being 22 and

being married. But I would rather be in my 30s and

have a great marriage than in my 20s

to have a failed one. And one thing you should also

know is it is better to get out of a toxic marriage

than to stay in it for other people’s sake. No one

knows what you go through or see.

Do not put yourself in a situation which will follow

you your whole life and make you miserable

just because you want to please others.

Or because you are ashamed of reactions.

If we talk about ashamed I am also an

example of that but this

should not stop you from doing what

is right for you.

Learn to be happy for yourself and not others.

Learn to make decisions and not ask

others to do or decide for you. At the end of the

day when you ask God to bring you a husband

he will, but you will be the one to deal with

him as a good or bad husband! Do not ask for

things your not ready for. And specially Africans

and Christians stop deciding what is best for

your children because most decisions you

made were of and not because your one

turned out bad does it mean theirs would as

well. Leave your children to make decisions

themselves and support your child regardless

if you don’t always agree.

Turn your “God when will I marry” to

God prepare me for my other half” ,

cause trust me when you ask Him to prepare

you and you are NOT ready he will

make you ready before you make the step!

And when the time comes you will know

what to do because you were prepared for it!

Wishing you a beautiful final weeks of 2019.

Jealous of who?

jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, or against another’s success or advantage itself.

Recently I was having a conversation with my other half about general things in life, and we got to talking about women and male and how much jealousy there is amongst women.

mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

I quickly said it is true but then added to it that I personally believe everyone has a jealous something in them.

vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

The reason why I said that and I hope you would agree to is, we are human beings and i believe we all have faults. Someone may have more than the other but regardless we all have faults. This is all natural so you should never think you are the only one who has faults or issues. Everyone does but every person is made differently hence why someone can hide their faults and make it look like they don’t have any.

a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

If you read the definitions i wrote on above (thanks to google) I decided not to put one definition but 4. Because point 1 may not apply to you but maybe another definition would. The reason why I believe everyone has a bit of jealousy in them is, because we are imperfect and are striving to become perfect or at least better in what we do. So as humans it is only natural to want something someone else already has, or have been working on to get but can’t seem to get it. Jealousy is a sort of fear which everyone has. We all fear something or someone. Don’t doubt that. Whether it is an animal, an object, God,life death or an illness. We all fear something. And right besides fear is jealousy.

 

You see you may hear great news from a friend or relative and be happy, but we mostly end up with words back in our head saying why not me? Or why her or him.This is a sign of jealousy, you may smile it of but your emotions are running to the other direction. There is nothing wrong with that, but it does become a problem when you let jealousy take over. Then you just become bitter and unfaithful towards the person, or thing.

When jealousy grows, it becomes hate, negative energy and one thing you will realize is that it sucks up so much energy, time and mental problems it is not well. People do suffer from it but can’t give themself a new for it. Some turn it into depression or any other form of it. I am NOT saying all depressions are jealousy, but most of them are. It starts from there. Your fear of not getting something done or how you want or expected it to be turns into resentment.

 

Both men and women suffer from it, just that women let it become so much more part of them. Women tend to be more jealous of things and others because society made us. We are asked to be good in school, dress well, respect others and ourselves. Marry before kids have kids basically THE DAY AFTER MARRIAGE (trust our Africans to ask you the day after, when is the baby due), be a wife material, if your from a religious family (Christianity, Muslim) then there is even more pressure applied. And be great at all times. Today’s society is applying more pressure, BOBs, social media, body being snatched, holiday goers, the list goes on and if you are not one of the mentioned or don’t participate in one of the activities you will tend to ask yourself what is wrong with me” Why him, or her. Why this and that. But i want to let you know that society does not have to define you. You have to be YOU. And if things are not going according to plan. Do NOT give up. Giving up should NOT be an option.

I will always use myself as an example. Someone wants what I have and probably don’t appreciate. And someone else does not want any of it but I do want it.

YOUR LIFE IS YOURS ONLY. What you have now is YOURS, what is coming will COME! Appreciate things in life now. Tomorrow is not promised. So let the bitterness, anger, fear, jealousy be far away. It really drains a person out.

Pay your bills and what you have left enjoy it. Call your friend and go for brunch, book that holiday even if it is alone. Sort out your relationship others are trying to destroy. Give love a chance. Great people when you are walking by them. Smile to others when you can. Ask your children how their day is going. Buy ice cream and eat it whiles standing in the sun and relax your shoulder. Netflix and have popcorn on the side.and stay away from negativity. The next person bringing that energy tell them to keep it away cause you are renewing your mind.

You will feel much lighter and see changes in yourself and others around you. Jealousy is a disease which only YOU can cure if you give yourself the chance to. That picture with 10.000likes also got issues, the girl next door also got issues. The men at the gym also got issues. So don’t think you are alone just don’t let jealousy take over!

 

Ps dear Jealousy, I know you are there, and you will always be there, but you see you will never take over my happiness and love. Stay tiny🤗